


What I Fear The Most

by Stellabella13



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Death, Depression, F/M, Reader's POV, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Violence, might include smut later on, pennywise - Freeform, pennywise is confused
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-06 08:17:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12207354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stellabella13/pseuds/Stellabella13
Summary: "I'll find what it is you fear." It hissed. "I always do."It was never prepared to find that what you feared the most was loosing it.





	1. Chapter 1

You were crying again. This was nothing new, but they weren't just little tears that welled up in your (e/c) eyes, trailing gently down your cheeks and dripping softly into your hair. No. You were full on heaving. Your chest was constricting painfully and you couldn't breathe. Tears were blinding you, and your entire body shook as you tried desperately to calm yourself. You were bleeding out much too fast, and the pain was much too much. The blade lay just a few feet away from you, its shiny edge gleaming in your crimson blood. You screamed out loud, cursing yourself, cursing this life, but most of all, cursing your weakness.

_Fresh air._

You needed fresh air. You tugged the sleeves of you (f/c) sweat shirt down harshly over your arms, ignoring the blood soaking the fabric and the ever present sting that sent jolts up and down your arms. You darted through your small house, tugging harshly at the door and swinging it open. You slammed it behind you and marched down the street, too gone to even acknowledge your blood dripping onto the concrete. You didn't care if anybody saw. You stopped dead in the road, wishing that a car would just come down the street straight towards you. You wouldn't get out of the way. It was unlikely though; it was one in the morning, and you lived in a quiet neighbourhood. You found yourself sinking down, onto your knees, letting them hit the ground hard. 

"Hello." You blinked. Had you heard that right? You look up, blinking away tears. "Over here." You looked over your shoulder at the gutter, and there, through the darkness, two yellow eyes shone out at you. You sat down on your bum, about five feet away from whatever it was. "Hello." It said again, and though you could not see it's face, you hear that it was smiling. Had you really lost so much blood that you were starting to hallucinate? Not really aware of what you were doing, you crawled quickly over to the gutter and peered down. Through the glare of the streetlights, you could now see the thing a little bit better. 

"I'm Pennywise, the  _dancing_ clown." It whispered, its eyes never leaving yours. "Balloon?" You looked down to see a white gloved hand, holding a crimson balloon out to you. 

"It's as red as my blood." You giggled, starting to feel light headed. Damn. You really were loosing it. 

"Yes." It said giddily back. "I can smell it from here."

"You can smell my blood?" You asked, and despite yourself, you accepted the ballon. "Say, you don't reckon you could make the balloon lift me off the ground and then pop when I'm high enough up in the air?" 

A dark laugh emitted from out of the gutter, making you shiver. 

"I could. But then you pretty little thing would go  _splat."_ Yellow eyes watched you, almost hungrily. 

"May not be such a bad thing." You murmured, sitting cross legged in front of the thing.

"And why is that, darling?" 

You dig your fingers into your wounds, emitting a whine of pain, and that seemed to be enough of an answer for Pennywise. 

"How rude of me!" It suddenly said, making you jump slightly. "I never asked your name." 

"I'm (y/n)." You whisper, settling back down. Then suddenly. "Can I touch you?" Another giggle came from the creature. 

"Desperate are we?"

You were so lost you couldn't even make meaning of it's words, so you made no move in trying to correct it. 

"I wanna know if you are real." 

A hand reached out, slinking towards you arm, and then, without warning, steel like fingers gripped your wrists, digging into your wounds, much harder than you had. A strangled gasp tore from your throat, and tears bubbled up in your (e/c) eyes. 

"Did I answer your question?" You nodded, and a relieved moan left you when it finally let go. You watched as a long tongue came from the darkness, and slowly licked the white clad fingers clean. "You taste delicious." 

You were beginning to sway, your vision going blurry. 

"I don't feel too good." You murmured, and you felt yourself fall forwards. You were only aware of a hand catching your forehead before you could bang it on the pavement, and a dark giggle was all you heard before the world went black. 


	2. Chapter 2

When you woke up, you were wet. All over. You were laying in shallow water, and you managed to sit up, your (h/l) hair sticking to your neck and face. It smelled foul, and you wrinkled your nose. You were illuminated in moon light, and when you looked up, you could see the gutter hole above you. What the hell had happened? You yelped when a sharp pain rose all up your arms, and you realised that your cuts had stopped bleeding. They were wrapped in some sort of dirty cloth, and you made a face. Your wrists you easily get infected, but you didn't really care. Suddenly a familiar pair of yellow eyes filled your mind.

"Pennywise?" You croaked, then cleared your throat and tried again. "Pennywise?"

Again, a bit louder this time. A flash of yellow caught your eye at the end of the tunnel. You stood up, shakily, nearly falling over, and your fingers gripped the slimy walls for support. You made your way forwards, slipping and crashing back to the ground. A pained yelp left your cracked lips, and you lay there, your body too weak to move. Splashing could be heard coming towards you, and you look up to see a pair of yellow rain boots. A boy was peering down at you, strapped in a yellow rain coat.

"Do you want to float?" He whispered, and you closed your eyes.

"That would be nice right now." You whispered back, and then you felt a small hand on your forehead.

"Pennywise will help you float." He said gently, brushing sodden hair from your (s/c) skin. You could only nod, your mind completely foggy. Small tugs at the hair on your scalp made you open your eyes again. The little boy was tugging at you, wanting you to follow him. You groaned and tried to lift yourself up, but your arms shook so bad that you fell back down with a grunt. The boy stood and disappeared, and slowly, a red balloon floated towards you. You focused your eyes on it. You nearly screamed when a pair of strong arms lifted you up into the air, and you came face to face with a, well, with a very terrifying face. Your heart thudded in your chest, but you quickly recognised the eyes, and the fright melted away. A displeased growl left red lips.

"You don't smell of fear." Pennywise hissed, and your were suddenly flung over it's shoulder, carried quickly down the tunnels, and you tried to keep track, but soon everything became a blur.

You were tossed down about ten seconds later, and you hissed as your back hit the wall, your bones creaking in protest. You looked up, and for the first time, you could Cleary see it's features. It had said it was a clown when you first met it, but seeing it up close flooded you with happy memories of when your Grandmother used to take you to the circus. 

Pennywise hissed, sniffing at the air. 

"Why are you so happy?" It croaked, sharp teeth being exposed as it bared them at you. You tilted your head to the side. 

"I'm gonna die." You whispered happily. You were no idiot. You knew the clown was no friend, and you waited patiently for it to strike. When it did not, you dared look at it again. It was enraged, its features twisted into a nasty scowl, and it almost,  _almost,_ looked like a child who didn't get the cookie they wanted. You could not help the broken giggle that bubbled out of your throat, and in a flash, its hands slammed into the wall behind you, making the brick shake. Still, you looked up at it weekly, a soft relief settling in your stomach. 

"I'll find out what you fear." It hissed. "I always do. And when I do, you're going to be the tastiest meal I've ever had." And before you could blink, it was gone. 


	3. Chapter 3

The little yellow cloaked boy was back, staring at you from behind a greasy wall. You lifted your head to look at him, and offered him a smile, waving at him. He shyly waved back, wiggling small fingers back at you. You gave a yawn, suddenly aware of how exhausted you were. The little boy made his way towards you, and gently took your hand. 

"Did Pennywise make you float?"

"Not yet." You murmured, head lulling. The boy chewed his bottom lip. He really didn't want to leave you there, sitting on the cold, hard, ground. You were surprised when a hard tug came at your arm.

"Up." The boy demanded. "Get up." You shook your head, but he tugged so hard you were suddenly worried that your shoulder might pop out of its socket. 

"Okay, okay." You mumbled, standing up, and you were sure you looked like a baby fawn. The boy's giggle confirmed your suspicions. "Jeez, kid, you sure are persistent."

"Georgie." He chirped, as he led you once again through the tunnels. "My name is Georgie."

"Georgie. What a sweet name." He nodded, happy that you thought so. You hesitated, before you asked: "Where did Pennywise go?" Your regretted it when you felt the boy stiffen, but he quickly relaxed, and the pushed you towards a steel door that had come into view.   
  


"Sleep." He murmured, motioning towards the door. You hesitated. He hadn't answered your question, but you weren't gonna ask again. Instead you settled for another one. 

"What's in there, Georgie?"

"Sleep." He repeated, and the door swung open. It was piled with clothes, the biggest article big enough to fit a ten year old. You chewed your lip. 

"He ate them, didn't he?" You weren't entirely sure what Pennywise was, so you settled for he. Georgie gave a sharp nod. "And he's going to eat me too." 

Georgie looked up at her, interest twinkling in his eyes. 

"You don't seem afraid to float. They are all afraid to float. So why aren't you?" You smiled, and bent down so you were eye level with the boy. You knew what the boy meant by floating.

"I've wanted to float for a couple of years now." You murmured, and suddenly, Georgie seemed saddened. 

"But why?" He asked. You shrugged. You really didn't want to go into your life story, so you said nothing. Georgie lit up. "I know." He said. "Is it because sometimes angels are sent to earth accidentally? Someone once told me that." You grinned.

"Something like that." You said. "Something like that."

You were unaware of the figure in the shadows, watching. Georgie knew, and once you had gone to sleep in the pile of clothes, he turned and stuck his tongue out at the clown. 

"Brat." Pennywise hissed, and Georgie ran down the tunnel before it could reach up to him, laughter echoing through the brick walls. 

 


	4. Chapter 4

You woke again, actually feeling well rested. For the first time in ages, you woke up feeling like you could take on the world. With a groan, you cracked your back, wincing as your wrists throbbed once again. You unwrapped them, instantly regretting that you hadn't cared should they get infected. They were a nasty yellow, blood cracked and staining your (s/c) skin. You huffed in annoyance, and made your way to the door. You opened it, and the nasty smell of the sewers made you wrinkle your nose. Georgie found you blindly waddling through the tunnels, and you sighed in relief when you laid your eyes upon him. 

"Where are you going?" He asked suspiciously. "Are you trying to escape?" 

"Oh. No. I'm actually trying to find Pennywise." 

Georgie looked shocked, little hands clenching and unclenching. 

"Why are you going  _to_ Pennywise? People are usually trying to get  _away_." 

"I can see why." You mumbled, before you straightened. "No, I need to get these cleaned." You held out your wrists, and Georgie leaned in to inspect them, disgust written across his features.

"Ew." He murmured. "Why do you want to get them cleaned? I thought you wanted to die?"

"You ask a lot of questions." You said fondly. A red blush spread up Georgie's nose, and he scuffed his shoe against the ground, mumbling a "Sorry.". 

"No need to apologise." You laughed. "I just don't want to die a slow and painful death. Death by infected wounds inflicted on yourself by yourself seems like a pretty bad way to go." Georgie agreed with this, and then he shrugged. 

"I dunno where Pennywise is." He admitted. "Usually just goes out and does whatever. I stay here. At least Pennywise gave me this back!" He held out a sodden paper boat, and you blinked at it. 

"Gave it back?" 

"He took it, bit my arm off, dragged me down here and then gave it back!" He chirped happily. 

"Ah." You said, unsure of what else the little boy wanted to hear. He seemed please none the less, and skipped away to play with the crumbling paper. When he left, you were unsure of what else to do, so you continued wandering. You came upon a pot hole once or twice, but barely even acknowledged them. If you were completely honest with yourself, it was much more fun with Georgie then what it was up in reality. You jumped when a snort came out of the shadows. 

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were crazy." Pennywise slunk towards you, his frame towering over your much smaller one. 

"Not crazy." You mumbled. "Just done." Suddenly a paper plate of fish and chips were shoved into your face. Your hands went up to grab it automatically, and you blinked down at the food. 

"Eat." Was all Pennywise said. You looked up at him. Truthfully, you hadn't eaten in a while. Why? Because you couldn't be bother. Food just became another chore, and the aching hunger in your stomach a welcome friend. 

"Not hungry." You said, trying to hand it back. 

"Not a choice, darling." It hissed. "You will not die on me before I figure out what it is you fear. Eat." 

"I haven't eaten in like two days." You said. "I can survive another 24 hours." 

"You humans are so stubborn." It growled. "Eat. NOW." You sighed. Pennywise looked just about ready to strangle you. Whilst this wouldn't be a bad thing, you really didn't want to leave Georgie. You sat down, and shakily shoved a chip into your mouth. You were surprised when Pennywise sat down opposite you. 

"What are you doing?"

"Making sure you eat." 

"I'm not a child." 

"You act like one. You clearly need supervision."

"Whats that supposed to mean?"

"Look at what you've done to yourself." 

You felt tears sting your eyes, and suddenly Pennywise found a plateful of food flung at his face. 

"You bastard." You hiss, standing up. "When you're ready to kill me, come find me." And you marched away, viciously rubbing at your eyes. 

Pennywise just sat there, chips and bits of batter stuck in its orange hair. It shook his head like a dog, food spraying everywhere, and it had half mind to go after you and tear your throat out. But there was something stopping him. Something tugging at his chest. Could it be... Regret? Regret for insulting the girl? When she had clearly been through so much? So much so that she was basically laying herself out on a silver platter for it? That was no fun. 

When Georgie saw Pennywise march toward him and demand that he make her eat something, Georgie felt like wetting himself. It was so mad that saliva hung from red lips, and it stalked away, almost like a wounded dog. 

Georgie had seen Pennywise mad before, sure, but never had it acted this way. It confused the little boy, and it frightened him more than any other fit the clown had ever had. 


End file.
